So as I mentioned on another thread I’m kind of working on making text based games on Twine. I want to work on something Mental health related. As a side project, to experiment with the basics, I made another game.
This game is sort of fantastical (and loads weird), but its an extended metaphor that explain a medical process that I find fascinating. Play the game, get the true ending, and you can learn what the game is really about.
Was hoping to get some feedback!
Have a nice day!
EDIT:
Made a new version and now I’m thinking of publishing on itch.io I like the platform.
Strongyloides 2.0 update:
-Fixed blank screen issue
-Added poetic flare to other endings
-Spelling and grammar errors
Thanks for sharing this, I love to see people’s twine games!
I played through a bunch of times, but I don’t think I got the ‘true ending’ (though I did get a completely empty page once, was that the metaphorical true end??) but my favorite ending was the Autonomous Heretic Ending.
For the most part, this story is well structured and flows smoothly from scene to scene. I liked that certain areas had names and those names seemed color coded.
Bug-y Type Stuff:
On ‘Doubtful Repentant Ending’ and ‘Cosmic Murder Ending’ the back button doesn’t take you back, it just reloads the page.
I got a blank page. It’s on Chamber of Divine Recurrence when you pick “descend into the chasm and tempt fate.” But I thought I’d clicked on that in another play through and it gave me an ending?
Is ‘Ascend into the Light’ the ‘true’ ending? If so I have no idea what the game is really about. Futile persistence? I like the ‘Autonomous Heretic Ending’ best. I would have loved to have had the option to forsake Ambrose at a later point in the journey too, but that’s probably not the type of story you’re going for?
If Ascend isn’t the true ending I got stuck in a loop. I’m not sure where it actually started, but from the Swamps it goes Sleep (or bad ending) > Walk (only option) > Birth… (or blank page) > Forget (only option) > Both decide (only option) > Drop Down (or bad ending) > Fall (only option)
Write-y Type Stuff:
There are a lot of areas where the words just don’t flow right. This might seem nitpicky, but it kept throwing me out of the story. Do you do an edit pass where you read your work out loud? I really like using text-to-speech to read my work back to me. It doesn’t get the inflections, but it catches where my brain fills in what I think I wrote and tells me what I actually put down on the page.
I’m not sure where you are with the story, if you’re not done with the first draft ignore everything I just said until it’s done. I wish I could remember who said it, but a famous writer once said that even Hugo winners write sucky first drafts, so please don’t let this discourage you.
@Maewynne
This game isnt a finished product. I didnt proofread it, It was merely an experiment for another game im making. It is by all means a crappy first draft. Usually i thoroughly proof read especially considering that my native language is spanish so I tend to think in spanish and then some thing turn out weirdly.
I don’t get the distinction you make between going back and reloading the game. Alll endings have a play again option.
I figured out the blank screen conundrum.
The game has a counter to how many times you go through the chamber of divine recurrence in one run. If you drop down the chasm on your first try, you get the doubtful repentant ending.
If you choose instead to go through ambrose and repeat the cycle, every repeated chapter from the caverns onward has an additional passage thats more informative. after your first cycle when you get to the chamber of divine recurrence you have the chasm or ambrosea choice again. Choose ambrosea and youll get the Cosmic Murderer ending, choose the chasm and you will get the revelations ending. You were one choice away from the true ending .
The bug problem with the blank page is that i set a counter for how many times the playe gets to the chamber of divine recurrence. If they get an ending other than the true ending the player will reset the game but the counter wont reset so the game has no idea what to do when you choose to go down the chasm .
Definitely very informative for future projects, thank you
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Post watching the trailer edit:
Wow it looks so great! I used to play RPG make a lot as a kid, this reminds me a lot of that same experience.
I’ve always had trouble using premade characters cause it sort of limits character creation and I suck at drawing but Im super interested in seeing how they approach story coding. I wonder if they have a creative community library of content.
But its still $45 I will keep it on my wish list and ponder on it.
Thanks so much for playing.
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I will keep it on my wish list and ponder on it.